No more posts like yesterday. It was just anger that should probably have been directed elsewhere. A lot of the time I feel as though I already know the answers to the questions I'm constantly asking myself. I can't help thinking that this is a really significant time in my life, that decisions I make now are going to affect the kind of life I have for the foreseeable future. It's exciting and scary and infuriating and kind of disappointing all at once, but I'll get used to it.

I walked to Tim Hortons yesterday, about a 40 minute walk in total. It was the time of day when the setting sun turns everything gold and Appels + Oranjes by the Smashing Pumpkins sounds too true for words. I'm heading over to Andrea's now.

Started reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. So far it's not what I was expecting, but I really do dig his style.

I shut down capitalsyn.com. I'm going to see the repercussions in little ways, because I've been storing images and such on that server. I managed to grab everything from the site and put it on my laptop, so it's there if I need it for anything.

I've been able to do things by myself over the last couple of days - dressing, showering, dishes. My goal is to actually get on a bus and go somewhere tomorrow. I need to get over to Andrea's. I hate to think that she's over there working all by herself.

I'm trying really, really hard to not feel sorry for myself, but I think not being able to go anywhere has made it difficult. Why in the world haven't any of my close friends asked me how I'm doing? Seriously? I get laid up for a week and nothing? What the hell is wrong with that picture? I'd like to think I'm pretty diplomatic and understanding over matters like this, but I just can't figure it. Is it because most people don't know? I haven't raised a big enough stink?

And look at Andrea. She had to move in this weekend with zero help. Nobody offered to lend a hand. She's having the most stressful weekend of her life and nobody seems to care. Where is the lapse? Did she ask for help too late? Is she choosing the wrong mode of communication?

When it comes down to it, I don't have day-to-day relationships with most people. Other than Andrea, I don't have a close friend who's more or less aware of how I'm doing. Is this the case with everyone? If you suffered an injury, who would be there by your side to help you out? Are you confident in what you consider your good friendships? Am I being totally unfair?

I had a bit of a spotty time getting out of bed, but I still think I'm getting better. I'm going to try exercising the muscles in my lower back today with stretches. I made it outside for a walk down the block and back yesterday. It was nice to get out of the recycled air of the apartment.

Maintenance workers removed the railing of the balcony and it looks dangerous out there. At the same time, the view has never been better.

Andrea's hard at work on getting her new place in shape. Her uncle is coming up and helping her move the bigger furniture in. I'm sure she can't wait until it's over and done with. I just wish I could be of some help.

Today is my mom's birthday. Must be a good son and call, though I don't really want to tell her I messed up my back.

Back still hurts. Yesterday I caught a trio of classic Canadian shows on TV: Danger Bay, The Beachcombers and King of Kensington (which featured a cameo from John Candy). I had a long conversation with Ash and later Andrea about this and that - people, places, plans. I'd like to think that this incident is going to mark some kind of turning point for me. I'll certainly never look at walking straight the same way again.

I received some more information about helping out with the writers' workshop in Toronto. I'm scheduled to leave in a week. It's my strongest motivation to get better. I'm certainly glad this didn't happen while the Senate was still in session. There's no way I would have been able to make it into work.

Andrea is moving the big stuff into her new apartment tomorrow. I wish I could be more of a help. I haven't even been outside since the hospital trip a few days ago. Hopefully I can give it a shot when she comes over later today. I need to get some exercise if my back is going to be strong enough to support me. Painkillers is one thing, but I don't want to turn into jelly.

I've been reading Joan Didion's The White Album, a collection of essays that typically uses 1960's California as its muse. I don't always have a clear idea as to what she's referring but I do like her attraction to how things like highways and aqueducts and shopping malls actually work. She travels extensively, exploring the world of Marquez' One Hundred Years of Solitude, quoting the first line of that text, one of the greatest of all time:

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice."

The White Album opens with a line that may be as great:

"We tell ourselves stories in order to survive."

There is something of great importance here in which I am trying to instill belief.

Things are progessing slowly but surely. Last night I was able to make myself dinner and actually get into bed from a standing position. Today I'm going without a table by my side for easy access. I need to get up and move around periodically because the longer I stay in one position the harder it is to get out of it.

Andrea's cousin Amanda, who's been up for Canada Day, crashed on the couch the last couple of nights. Yesterday we watched Star Wars Episodes III and IV on Spike. I'm home alone right now waiting for Andrea to get back from her new apartment. She's getting her cable hooked up today.

I'm going to try to shower on my own later today. Tomorrow I might try going ouside for a bit. Baby steps.

I have rest of my Percocet prescription - 34 pills in total, which will see me through the next six days. It's still very painful to walk, but I haven't had a spasm yet today.

Andrea showed up at around 2:30 AM last night and crashed. Her cousin slept on the couch. We were rudely awakened several times by the balcony workers. I really hope they're almost finished out there.

Not much else going on. I'm sitting on the couch. Should be here for awhile. Yep.

I threw my back out helping Andrea move yesterday. It serves me right. I've had a sore back for months and it was pretty much the last straw. I hobbled home afterwards and tried to rest it, but it got worse to the point where I was suffering spasms that would send me to the floor in pain. It's seriously been the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

Some folks came over last night to hang out and we watched Batman Returns. I could barely make it to the washroom on two occasions. When I tried to get to bed I collapsed again and had to physically pull myself up into bed from the floor. When I woke up this morning I tried standing up but it wasn't happening. Ash called a nurse and she told me to head to emergency. I couldn't make it down the stairs, so Ash called an ambulance and the paramedics loaded me up.

It's been a day of firsts. I've never taken an ambulance to the hospital before. Not in the back, anyway. The paramedic asked me a few questions. I'd taken painkillers including a Tylenol 3 and they'd had no effect. Once at the hospital I was eventually loaded into a room. First time in a hospital bed. The doctor checked me out. More questions. The bottom line, I pulled a muscle and the tension is causing the spasms. She prescribed me Percocet. I took two at the hospital and in half an hour I was able to get up and walk around. I got into a wheelchair to wheel out and wait for Ian to pick us up. First time in a wheelchair! On the way back we picked up part of the prescription. The pharmacy is waiting for confirmation from the hospital to issue the rest.

I must say that Ash and Ian have been super people since I hurt myself. They've been getting me things, helping me out with the hospital trip, just generally making sure I'm okay. Ash stayed with me at the hospital and brought my stuff. They made me dinner. I told Ash earlier that I sometimes think about what would happen to me if I found myself in a situation where I'm left kind of helpless. I wonder who I can count on in such situations. I really appreciated their support.

The doctor said I should be okay in five to six days at the most. No partying for me tonight. But hey, Andrea's coming over later. I couldn't ask for a better Canada Day.