2AM Traffic

I'm back at Hansard, having shed the shackles of customer service once again. I'm hard on myself when it comes to the job. I've got to learn to not be so hard on myself. I want to do well, but I have to remember that it will continue to be a learning process for a while. Hopefully this time around I'll have a steadier schedule to rely on. We'll see what this week brings. Either way, it looks like I'll have a week off in February.

I finished reading "Heavier than Heaven," and I found it to be a great, interesting read despite Cross' forays into dramatic purpose. It was hard to finish, since it's essentially the tale of a man with an almost supernatural drug habit slowly and then suddenly killing himself. Fascinating nonetheless. Kurt Cobain is a subject I seem to feel the need to revisit intently every few years to gain a newer perspective.

I've been writing music lately, far more often than I've been writing words. It's what comes out of my need to create something, and now that I have a general hold on writing music on a computer I feel like the outlet is completely in place. I think about where I might be able to take it - in the near future, a gig or three, and hopefully some studio time within the next year. I'd really like music to become as big a part of my artistic life as it once was. Lately it's been fruitful. I've recorded seven originals and three covers, the latest of which has driven up my myspace page hits by about 20% in the last two days alone. I'm looking at the songs I'm recording in my bedroom right now as demos. I'm putting them online in lieu of a demo tape to pass around. For the time being, I'm happy with the momentum I'm building.

A couple of posts ago I mentioned that I had quite a lot on my mind. I've been thinking a bit about Ottawa and the kind of city it's become. Lack of public transportation, lack of government and the palpable sense of a sinking morale amongst the city's art communities have made it a hard place to like lately. My perception of Ottawa has changed. It's starting to seem smaller and smaller. I've been admitting to myself quite strongly lately that I'm not going to stay here for the rest of my life. I've been making it a point to leave. Maybe not next year or the year after, but I know I won't be here forever. There is too much to see, and too much to do.

That said, I'm generally quite happy with life right now. I'm looking forward to returning to a steadier income and putting some money into traveling. It will be an eventful year, and I'm just now falling under the impression that the year has finally started.