For some reason I drank two cups of coffee at the diner after 8 tonight, so here I am.

I've also been thinking, as many are wont to do at this time of year. This time last year I was fast asleep in Europe about to celebrate New Year's Eve in the streets of Berlin, Germany, drunk as hell. Now I'm sitting in the living room of Andrea's apartment on Gloucester Street. I had no idea I would be here. I like that feeling.

I lived in three different apartments this year, pretty well dividing my year up into thirds. At the beginning of the year, I wondered about finding a place of my own, and about finding a job to keep myself afloat. My goal was to finish my final semester at U of T and do well. I spent the majority of those first four months debating whether or not I wanted to take my university education any further than the Masters level. I still haven't decided, but I know it won't happen immediately.

In April I flew to Vancouver and spent two and a half hours talking with Douglas Coupland, a man whose work I had admired for over a decade. The entire trip feels like a dream, as though I momentarily stepped completely out of reality. Our talk took place on the day of his father's retirement party. He had a head cold but was kind enough to entertain my questions. He picked clover from his garden and gave it to me. It was a tiny window of time that I'll always remember.

Then, Ottawa in May. I wondered endlessly about how the city had changed, and how things were going to be different. I moved into a room that had an enormous view of the downtown area, and I spent the next four months feeling removed, unsure of where I was going to plant my feet. Fate landed me a job at the Senate, late nights that saw me going to bed at 7 AM the next morning. I pulled my back out lifting a suitcase and it hasn't felt 100% since. In July, I volunteered at the Humber School for Writers as a classroom assistant, and reignited my passion for writing as a result.

When it came time to finally nail down a place I could call a more permanent home, I looked at a handful of places and chose the Flatcave, two blocks from Andrea's place. I've tried to turn it into a place that keeps me creative and also affords me a couch on which to lie for DVD marathons. I bought a couch. I bought a bed. I bought a TV. I tried to keep a plant alive in a room that doesn't get much sun.

I started recording music. I started writing songs again for the first time in about ten years. I read books and made a ton of coffee in my kitchen and switched to using a Mac for a desktop computer.

I lost my last remaining grandparent, and tried to support Andrea when she lost her grandpa. I went to a funeral and saw three couples get married. I played horseshoes and swam in Lake Huron against the waves. I saw the sun go down over the Pacific from Stanley Park, and I got high in a hostel in Amsterdam.

An eventful year, in retrospect. I think I can beat it. We'll see.

I was looking for an old VHS tape that my family used to have: a recording of Jim Henson's The Christmas Toy, which originally aired in 1986 (I just found out that it saw a DVD release last month. It was originally sponsored exclusively by Kraft, and in a move the likes of which I haven't seen on television since each commercial featured a Kraft holiday recipe).

I couldn't find it, but I did find an old VHS recording of a really early Acid Lamb practice from 1994, back when we were called "Abandoned," I think. Just Darryl, Jeff and I. No vocals. I look totally skinny and young. My hair was curly so I wore a baseball cap all the time to keep it straight. I also found a REALLY early tape from 1992 when myself, Steve Robinson and Mike Denholm are lip-syncing along with Smells Like Teen Spirit, with instruments and everything. It's not the full version, just a botched take. I don't know where the full-fledged tape is.

I'm wearing the same Nirvana shirt in both videos. Sometimes I think about going through this stuff after my parents are dead and wondering how I'd preserve it.

Home is home. My dad still talks up Harper. My mom still talks to cats. The house looks great as always. I'll take some pics and post some when I have a chance.

The days are winding down in Ottawa. On Monday I'll be heading home to visit the family for a few days. Before you know it it will be 2009.

I still have a few things to attend to while I'm here. I need to buy Christmas gifts for my mother, brother, brother-in-law and sister. I had my eye on a necklace for my mother but it had been sold. The lesson is to jump at perfect opportunities, I suppose. I was feeling down about it and just generally thinking too much yesterday. Then Andrea called me, and I felt a lot better. She opened the gift I got for her, and I opened hers, a copy of the James Stewart western Shenandoah, which I watched last night, and a $10 gift card at the Elgin Street Diner.

Tonight a few people from the office are getting together to have dinner at the Parliamentary restaurant in Centre Block. I suppose this will be my first time ever entering the building. Tomorrow afternoon I'm training at Haven Books. Ian works there and offered me some hours since Parliament won't be back until January 26th. I'm low on funds, so it should help. I'm actually looking forward to working at a bookstore that's more independently run than Chapters.

On Saturday I'm heading out to the west end to party with some old Chapters co-workers, whom I haven't seen in well over a year. It was looking a bit complicated with the bus strike, but I've secured a ride both ways. Natalee is also in town, so I think we're going to hit Mod Club on Sunday. Lots to do, but it should be fun.

Class of 2008

1. Coldplay - Viva La Vida
2. The Stills - Oceans Will Rise
3. Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
4. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
5. Holy Fuck - LP
6. Filter - Anthems for the Damned
7. Ken Andrews - Secrets of the Lost Satellite
8. Ben Folds - Way to Normal
9. Beck - Modern Guilt
10. The Raveonettes - Lust Lust Lust

Hate to be a bother, but could someone maybe put a team together to come over and dig me out?

I've spent the last few nights reading letters written by John Keats along with a great essay on the poet by Edward Hirsch. Keats' "Ode on a Grecian Urn" is a poem that has greatly influenced not only my development as an artist, but my life in general.

Keats died of tuberculosis at the age of 25. Most of his great work was written in the span of one year, between 1817 and 1818. He wrote poetry for a total of seven years. Towards the end of his life, his letters get progressively more desperate. It is heartbreaking to see a man so full of the wonder of life trying to hold on to it through suffering. The letters and essay highlight several things fundamental to the way Keats saw the world. Here are some of them:

- Life is a process of soul-making. At birth, the soul has no identity. The soul is only built through life experience.
- Nature and humanity are intrinsically linked. Much about humanity may be observed by observing nature, and this is more often than not ignored by humanity.
- True artists possess "negative capability," that is, the ability to live in doubt, with the knowledge that some questions go without answers.
- He wanted to do "some good in the world." He recognized that others do good through their vocations, and he confirmed his as study and thought.
- He longed for a life of "sensation" rather than a life of thought.
- He held the idea of "disinterestedness" in esteem, or looking at the world not from a philosopher's point of view but from a poet's. The philosopher reasons out morality while the poet observes and records its impact.

Totally, right?

I wrote 1000 words last night for the novel. Downtime forces my creativity out. It's what keeps me from going bananas.

Well, Harper prorogued Parliament, which is really the least dramatic of the decisions that could have been made at this point. It was, selfishly, the last option I had hoped would go through, since it means I'm suddenly out of a job until January 26th. And maybe even after THAT, if the coalition rejects the budget (which they probably will) and Jean calls an election. All Harper is doing right now is postponing the inevitable. I can't say that I blame him, really. A coalition in power would really put a damper on his holidays.

I'm still trying to figure out how my money is going to hold out. I get paid on Wednesday, so that will be my first clear indication.

In other, far more important news, Ash doesn't have cancer. She won't even need the procedure that would have taken a closer look. Huzzah!

Start your thousand words now.