I sure drank last night. A hangover's kept me in bed all day. I definitely won't be here forever, because Andrea and I are going to see Wicked tonight, and I've been looking forward to it for two months:


Yes!

A group of us celebrated Simon's birthday (and Andrea's A- in her Poli-Sci course, preeemptively) at the Royal Oak. I got a little carried away with shot orders - Irish Car Bombs, Liquid Cocaines, Blowjobs, plus a couple of mini-pitchers of Rickards Red. A lighthearted time was had, though somewhere between the time I stumbled into Andrea's bedroom and the time I woke up a bulldozer had its way with my body.

The back exercises seem to be making my sciatica worse, so I'm going to cool it for awhile. I have to head over to Sears to pick up the blinds for my living room. I wish someone would carry me.

I should update, since I'm not sure when I'll have a net connection again. I'll be getting up in about five hours to get the move going. By this time tomorrow I'll be passed out on my futon in the new apartment, thankful that I won't have to move again for the foreseeable future.

I saw Doctor Archibald today, who asked me a few questions about my back and gave me a sheet of exercises to try. He pretty much told me exactly what I was expecting - the only thing that will help my back is time, care and exercise. My back IS getting better, it's just getting better very slowly. The exercises will hopefully help it along.

I got a call from Matt Thompson, an old high school friend, and he's currently in Ottawa. We're going to have breakfast on Wednesday morning after I'm back in town. It's funny to hear from him, since I was just thinking about the letters we used to write each other, discussing big ideas, philosophizing and kicking around scientific and mathematical concepts. It was a lot more entertaining than it sounds. Matt used to have this theory that he was the center of the universe, and that everyone else was a figment of his imagination. Over time the theory grew and grew. We would spend HOURS talking about the ramifications and procedural implications of the theory. I used to have an email that detailed it, though it seems to have gone the way of an exploding star. Matt's also the first gay friend I ever had. Now he's the first doctor friend I have.

I'm worried about this U of T graduation/account balance bullcrap. I emailed Cecilia, who works in the English grad department, about it, and she told me to call her. Not a good sign. I would have much preferred a "No problem! Just do this and this to graduate! Congrats!" type email. All I can do is call her and find out what's going on.

I've looked forward to tomorrow for so long. Now it's today.

The writer's workshop I'm helping out with is being led by a man named Richard Bausch, whom I've never read. I went to Chapters yesterday and picked up his latest book, Peace, and I'm planning to read it on the trip down. It's set against the Second World War, and I typically really enjoy books and films that comment on that time period.

I stopped by Shoppers and bought a heating bag for my back. I used it a couple of times yesterday, along with a freezing bag. If it doesn't get fully better I'm going to see a chiropractor. It's not too bad right now, but even sitting here typing is uncomfortable, and I walk with a slight limp on my left side.

I slept a lot at Andrea's yesterday. Her room feels like the most comfortable place on earth, especially with her in it. I'm going to miss her for the next week or so. I am looking forward to seeing Matt, though. He's a guy I need to talk to every now and again. Now more than ever, probably.

I'm feeling more decentered now than I thought I would after moving back to Ottawa. I thought I'd have a clearer picture of where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do, but it's more jumbled than ever. I think I'm just in the process of finally convincing myself that I'm the kind of person that doesn't need to be in any one place to be happy. That's the kind of person I've always wanted to be. I want to experience everything life has to offer. Right now it's a week-long job in a different city. Next it will be having my very own apartment for the first time. After that, who knows? I'm going to admit this to myself right here and now: I'm probably not going to stay in Ottawa. I'm not looking for a place I can call home and be done with it. I'm looking to expand my definition of the word and apply it to something bigger.

I'm starting to wish that the balcony construction workers would meet with some sort of "accident."

On the subject of apartments, I spent some time at Andrea's yesterday. Her room reminds me of the room she had on Lees and I want to barricade myself inside it for a week and not leave because her bed is so comfortable and I feel so secure there among her stuffed animals.

My back pain has localized to an annoying charlie-horse type pain in the back of my left leg. I can move around pretty freely if I don't think about it too much. I just have to keep stretching the area and not allow it to force me into walking funny.

I'm not having the greatest morning. Between the balcony construction, the off chance that someone JUST started using the dryer at 9:45 AM on a Tuesday and the fact that I want to be out of here by 1 PM so that the landlord can subject the apartment to "inspection," I want to burn this place to the ground. I think some meditation is in order.

No more posts like yesterday. It was just anger that should probably have been directed elsewhere. A lot of the time I feel as though I already know the answers to the questions I'm constantly asking myself. I can't help thinking that this is a really significant time in my life, that decisions I make now are going to affect the kind of life I have for the foreseeable future. It's exciting and scary and infuriating and kind of disappointing all at once, but I'll get used to it.

I walked to Tim Hortons yesterday, about a 40 minute walk in total. It was the time of day when the setting sun turns everything gold and Appels + Oranjes by the Smashing Pumpkins sounds too true for words. I'm heading over to Andrea's now.

Started reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. So far it's not what I was expecting, but I really do dig his style.

I had a bit of a spotty time getting out of bed, but I still think I'm getting better. I'm going to try exercising the muscles in my lower back today with stretches. I made it outside for a walk down the block and back yesterday. It was nice to get out of the recycled air of the apartment.

Maintenance workers removed the railing of the balcony and it looks dangerous out there. At the same time, the view has never been better.

Andrea's hard at work on getting her new place in shape. Her uncle is coming up and helping her move the bigger furniture in. I'm sure she can't wait until it's over and done with. I just wish I could be of some help.

Today is my mom's birthday. Must be a good son and call, though I don't really want to tell her I messed up my back.

Back still hurts. Yesterday I caught a trio of classic Canadian shows on TV: Danger Bay, The Beachcombers and King of Kensington (which featured a cameo from John Candy). I had a long conversation with Ash and later Andrea about this and that - people, places, plans. I'd like to think that this incident is going to mark some kind of turning point for me. I'll certainly never look at walking straight the same way again.

I received some more information about helping out with the writers' workshop in Toronto. I'm scheduled to leave in a week. It's my strongest motivation to get better. I'm certainly glad this didn't happen while the Senate was still in session. There's no way I would have been able to make it into work.

Andrea is moving the big stuff into her new apartment tomorrow. I wish I could be more of a help. I haven't even been outside since the hospital trip a few days ago. Hopefully I can give it a shot when she comes over later today. I need to get some exercise if my back is going to be strong enough to support me. Painkillers is one thing, but I don't want to turn into jelly.

I've been reading Joan Didion's The White Album, a collection of essays that typically uses 1960's California as its muse. I don't always have a clear idea as to what she's referring but I do like her attraction to how things like highways and aqueducts and shopping malls actually work. She travels extensively, exploring the world of Marquez' One Hundred Years of Solitude, quoting the first line of that text, one of the greatest of all time:

"Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice."

The White Album opens with a line that may be as great:

"We tell ourselves stories in order to survive."

There is something of great importance here in which I am trying to instill belief.

Things are progessing slowly but surely. Last night I was able to make myself dinner and actually get into bed from a standing position. Today I'm going without a table by my side for easy access. I need to get up and move around periodically because the longer I stay in one position the harder it is to get out of it.

Andrea's cousin Amanda, who's been up for Canada Day, crashed on the couch the last couple of nights. Yesterday we watched Star Wars Episodes III and IV on Spike. I'm home alone right now waiting for Andrea to get back from her new apartment. She's getting her cable hooked up today.

I'm going to try to shower on my own later today. Tomorrow I might try going ouside for a bit. Baby steps.

I have rest of my Percocet prescription - 34 pills in total, which will see me through the next six days. It's still very painful to walk, but I haven't had a spasm yet today.

Andrea showed up at around 2:30 AM last night and crashed. Her cousin slept on the couch. We were rudely awakened several times by the balcony workers. I really hope they're almost finished out there.

Not much else going on. I'm sitting on the couch. Should be here for awhile. Yep.

I threw my back out helping Andrea move yesterday. It serves me right. I've had a sore back for months and it was pretty much the last straw. I hobbled home afterwards and tried to rest it, but it got worse to the point where I was suffering spasms that would send me to the floor in pain. It's seriously been the most painful thing I've ever experienced.

Some folks came over last night to hang out and we watched Batman Returns. I could barely make it to the washroom on two occasions. When I tried to get to bed I collapsed again and had to physically pull myself up into bed from the floor. When I woke up this morning I tried standing up but it wasn't happening. Ash called a nurse and she told me to head to emergency. I couldn't make it down the stairs, so Ash called an ambulance and the paramedics loaded me up.

It's been a day of firsts. I've never taken an ambulance to the hospital before. Not in the back, anyway. The paramedic asked me a few questions. I'd taken painkillers including a Tylenol 3 and they'd had no effect. Once at the hospital I was eventually loaded into a room. First time in a hospital bed. The doctor checked me out. More questions. The bottom line, I pulled a muscle and the tension is causing the spasms. She prescribed me Percocet. I took two at the hospital and in half an hour I was able to get up and walk around. I got into a wheelchair to wheel out and wait for Ian to pick us up. First time in a wheelchair! On the way back we picked up part of the prescription. The pharmacy is waiting for confirmation from the hospital to issue the rest.

I must say that Ash and Ian have been super people since I hurt myself. They've been getting me things, helping me out with the hospital trip, just generally making sure I'm okay. Ash stayed with me at the hospital and brought my stuff. They made me dinner. I told Ash earlier that I sometimes think about what would happen to me if I found myself in a situation where I'm left kind of helpless. I wonder who I can count on in such situations. I really appreciated their support.

The doctor said I should be okay in five to six days at the most. No partying for me tonight. But hey, Andrea's coming over later. I couldn't ask for a better Canada Day.